Some people are not happy because they are searching for happiness. Happiness is like a butterfly- the more you search for it, the more you will never catch it. The only sure way to find happiness is to make people happy.
Unhappy people, on the other hand, are searching for happiness in the wrong places. They are not happy because they spend their time doing the following things:
They allow people to control their lives.
When you allow people to control your life, you have lost everything in life. The essence of living is to be able to control your own life. It is time to take your life back. Don’t allow people to tell you how you should live your life anymore. It is your life, not theirs. As Epictetus once said, “How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself.” Now!
They focus on what is not working.
A lot of people are not happy with their lives because they focus on what is not working. Don’t focus on what is not working, instead focus on the things that are working really well for you. Everything cannot be working for you. Celebrate the things that are working, you will have a happy life. Elbert Hubbard said, “Positive anything is better than negative nothing.” Even if it is one thing that is working for you, focus on that one thing. Don’t waste your energy on things that are beyond your control. If you do, you are adding to your unhappiness.
They compare their lives to other people.
It costs more to compare yourself to other people than to work on yourself. You don’t have to do that. The people you are comparing your life to have their own self-esteem issues to work on. Why bother yourself? According to Nathaniel Branden, “Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.” It is how you treat yourself that others will treat you. Arthur Schpenhauser said, “We forfeit three forth of ourselves to be like other people.” In addition, if you love yourself, if you want to stop your comparison games, according to Denis Waitley, “You must look within for values, but must look beyond for perspective.” Don’t outside, look within for solutions.
They waste their time doing meaningless things.
Time is the currency of life. If you abuse your time, you are abusing your life. M. Scott Peck said, “Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” And, Gretchen Rubin Put it this way: “The days are long, but the years are short.” If you waste your time on things that can’t help you, your life will not change. Instead, it will get worse. If you change your thoughts, your life will change. If you don’t change, nothing is going to happen.
They waste their time pleasing people.
Can you make 7,000,000,000 people happy? If you are true to yourself, the answer is “No.” Why doing it? If you try, for sure, you will not succeed. Christopher Morley said, “There is only one success- to be able to live your life in your own way.” If you want to be happy, I mean really happy, please yourself.
They can’t say ‘no’ to the wrong things.
If you want to be happy, you must learn how to say a big ‘no’ to the wrong things. Not all what you say ‘yes’ to are relevant to your life. If you want to fix this, according to Eric D. Thomas, “Remind yourself that it’s ok to say ‘no’ to anyone if the request interferes with your beliefs, goals, passions, or even schedules.”
They don’t know themselves.
Happy people know who they are. They know their strengths and weaknesses. They know when to seek help from others. They are true to themselves. Sun Tzu said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.”
They worry too much about other people’s opinions.
If you want to enjoy your life, stop paying attention to what people are saying about you. Their words belong to them, not to you. It is their opinions, not yours. Joyce Meyer says, “If we try to build our lives on what people say and think of us- how they treat us, how we feel, or our past mistakes- we are building on sinking sand.” It is what you think of yourself that matters. It is how you carry yourself that matters, not what people say about you. They are irrelevant.
They focus on results.
If you want to be happy, if you want to learn, don’t focus on results, focus on the process. To quote Nathaniel Branden, “It’s not that achievements prove our worth but rather that the process of achieving is the means by which we develop our effectiveness, our competence at living.” In anything, if you want to enjoy it, focus on the process, not on the results.
They blame others for their lives and actions.
Not until you start taking responsibility for your actions, you will never learn anything. Learning happens when you hold yourself accountable for your actions and your decisions. Stop blaming people for your mess. Remember, you are the master of your life, including your mess and your achievements. Denis Waitley said, “You must accept responsibility for your actions, but not the credit for your achievements.” To add John Burrough’s quote: “A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.”
Real happiness is not what we look for; it is what we give to others.